Betty was in her garden digging a hole. She was alone except for a solitary fly circling her. Occasionally Betty would stop digging and swat the fly. “Go away,” she told it, to no avail.
The fly was startled several times that this person was swatting at it. Flies like people, why don’t people like flies? While Betty was digging again, the fly circled her several times looking for an open piece of skin to land on. Betty, being an old lady, was covered with dead skin, which flies love eating. So many wrinkles to explore and gross human grossness to suck up. How could a fly not like Betty?
But Betty was vigilant. Every time our little fly came in for a landing, Betty would swat it away. Betty was not an angry person, but those swats had anger in them. While circling Betty, the fly noticed drops of water falling off her cheeks.
The fly circled down to the ground, found where the drops of water landed, and hit the jackpot! These little drops of water from Betty’s face were salty! Flies like salt. Our little fly happily partook of the salty goodness. Betty’s digging stirred up the ground, making the fly nervous. The fly had to move off again.
But what’s this? Our fly took off in a new direction after Betty’s shovel stirred it up, and noticed a bucket with a dead fish in it! Oh wow! This was our fly’s lucky day! Humans are great to buzz around, but here was a fish that was skinned and filleted. Nothing there but lots of warm, fishy guts and blood to eat! Our little fly camped out on the dead fish and ate and ate. What a feast!
The feast continued while Betty dug next to the bucket. The fly watched Betty while it ate. It was a good thing too, because Betty dropped her shovel, picked up the bucket, and dumped the dead fish into the hole. This was almost the end of luck for our little fly. He almost got trapped under the dead fish in the hole in the ground. But due to some fine flying dexterity, he managed to escape. If flies had SportsCenter, he would have been a highlight that night. What a move!
The fly buzzed around Betty as she shoveled dirt into the hole covering the fish. The fly noticed more salty water falling off her cheeks. He made a note of where they landed, if nothing else he’d come back later and get that. As the fly buzzed around Betty, she began walking away from her hole. Our fly followed, circling Betty the whole way.
The fly continued to circle Betty as she put her shovel in the garage. After a brief detour to a bag of fertilizer, the fly decided Betty was a better target. He tracked her down again and circled her head as she walked onto the back porch of her house. Betty sat down on a plastic patio chair. Our fly continued to circle her head. Betty swatted the fly and wiped tears from her cheeks with a handkerchief.
“Well, were you able to dig a big enough hole?”
Our fly noticed there was another human seated not far from Betty who asked this strange question. This human was also old, but male! Oh happy day! Old men are covered with disgustingness! Could the day get any better!
Our fly buzzed around the old man. He didn’t seem to notice the fly at all. This was a good sign! Apparently, this was not just an old man covered with grossness, it was an old man covered in grossness who couldn’t see! If flies had casinos, our fly should certainly go there today!
Our fly nestled into the thin, wispy hair on the man’s head. So much dead skin to eat! Where does a little fly begin?
“Yes, dear, I was able to dig a big enough hole.”
They both chuckled. As they sat in the morning sunlight on the porch, our little fly was busy eating. Unfortunately, in our fly’s excitement to gobble up more dead skin, he bumped a few too many hairs, getting the old man’s attention. Our little fly saw the old man’s hand coming straight at him. Again, with another Fly SportsCenter caliber move, our fly narrowly escaped death.
The fly circled around the old man and woman, looking for more eating opportunities. There was a small table in between them where Betty laid her dirt and fish gut covered work gloves. Our fly couldn’t resist checking out this inviting opportunity.
While checking out the gloves for more gooey grossness, the fly warily watched the old man slowly get up and shuffle into the house. Betty sat and watched the shadows move across the grass as the breeze blew.
When the gloves were fully explored, the fly walked across the table and found a cell phone. Cell phones are wonderful depositories for gooey grossness! Again, everywhere our fly went, he found an abundance of food! The fly ate up the smeared grossness on the phone. While getting his fill, the phone suddenly vibrated, scaring the living goo out of our fly. He took off into the air gathering his wits. That move would not be on Fly SportsCenter.
Betty said into the phone as our fly gathered his composure.
“Oh hello, dear.”
Our fly circled Betty’s head. She made a faint effort to swat him away, but her heart wasn’t in it.
“Yes, your father is doing OK. He went fishing this morning.”
Betty was obviously distracted because our fly was able to land on her shoulder and crawl up on her neck to scrounge for more food.
“He was so happy. After all these years, he finally caught a muskie.”
Our fly found some nice sweat to soak up.
“I know, he’s been trying for a muskie for at least 30 years.”
Betty noticed our fly and tried to smack him, but he was ready for it. Our fly took to the air to do circles around Betty once again.
“It was too small though. He shouldn’t have kept it.”
Our fly noticed some more water dripping out of Betty’s eyes again.
“I didn’t tell him. How could I? This might be his last time fishing.”
The fly landed on her shirt where the drops of water were landing. Yup, more salty goodness!
“We meet with hospice tomorrow, that’s why he wanted to try fishing one last time. He’s so tired now.”
More drops of water fell around our fly. Just one buffet after the next! Betty picked up her handkerchief and wiped her eyes and blew her nose. She put the handkerchief on the table.
Our little fly noticed it all! A feeding bonanza on that handkerchief. There was tons of food everywhere he went. This had to be the best day ever!