The Dorkiest Dork Who Ever Dorked: Chapter 1 Part 4

“Ethan!” Ethan’s dad called as he opened his office door. “Come here.”

“Coming.” Ethan said as he vaulted himself over the back of the couch, did a spin move, juked out the kitchen counter, then nailed an imaginary fall away jumper, and headed down the hall pretending to high five adoring fans. “What’s up, Dad?”

“I need you to sit and calmly listen to me. Can you do that?”

Ethan plopped into his dad’s recliner and sat straight up, hands at his side, mouth sealed shut.

“Today is a big day. You don’t know that because no one wanted to tell you what’s going on. As soon as you hear what’s going on, you’re going to go crazy.” Ethan’s dad stopped and gave Ethan a crooked grin. “I can only imagine how annoying you are about to become when you hear this.”

Ethan could no longer keep his mouth sealed shut. It burst into a big smile. “What’s going on?”

“Your sister, Abigail, has invited a boy over for supper tonight.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me! Abby? Like, a real boy?”

“Yes, a real boy. His name is Ben. You may have noticed at the end of winter your sister took a sudden interest in hockey. Ben plays hockey. They went out with friends after the games and, well, now they are dating.”

Ethan busted out laughing. “I was wondering what was up with the hockey thing.”

“We don’t know much about Ben, so we told your sister to have him over so we could meet him, and tonight is the night.”

“Yeah, I’d like to know more about him too. You know, any guy who would want to date Abby, probably has serious problems.”

“Anyway, Ethan, we don’t want you putting on a show tonight with this guy. Your sister doesn’t need you to make this any more uncomfortable. That being said, I understand you are a little brother. I know you already have things you want to say. I’m putting you on warning though. If tonight, I think you are getting carried away, I will say, ‘Ethan, go get the mail.’ If I say that, you will go to the mailbox and then back to your room. Are you hearing me?”


“If you can’t handle yourself, we will end your evening early. You hear what I’m saying?”

“I do.”

“Anything you want to ask?”

“Is it OK if I make fun of Abigail until Ben gets here?”

“You can for a while, but give her a break a few hours before he comes.”

“OK, this is going to be awesome.” Ethan’s day had just gotten remarkably better and more exciting. Ethan immediately went to his room to write down as many words as he could think of that rhymed with Ben.


What a great name! So many rhyming possibilities! That list only took 48 seconds. Ethan knew just what to do. Ethan placed his amp next to the wall separating his room from Abigail’s. He plugged in his electric guitar and strummed a few very loud and poorly played chords. Then he let loose at the top of his lungs, kind of on tune with the chords, the following song:

Abby has chosen from all the men,
One scrawny little guy named Ben.
We don’t actually know if he’s scrawny, cuz we’ve never met him,
But we’ll know tonight by ten.

“Ethan!” Abigail screamed and pounded on the wall. Excellent motivation to spur Ethan on to invent verse two:

Abigail has always wanted a boyfrien’
I guess the impossible still does happen.
He’s coming over for dinner,
I wonder if we’re having chicken!

Abigail was now outside Ethan’s door pounding away. “Stop it! Dad! Make Ethan stop! It isn’t funny.”

Mia joined her sister outside Ethan’s door. “It’s kind of funny!” She said with a smile. Abigail smacked her in the stomach.

“Oh stop it.” Abigail went back into her room and slammed the door. The poorly played chords continued, louder and more energetic.

Oh happy day for little Ben Ben
They’ll probably kiss and then then
He’ll feel sick and leave quick
To go puke in the garden

The next few hours were going to be AWE. SOME.


If you would like to get new parts of the story as they publish, please put your email in the box to the right and “Subscribe” to the blog.
Thank you for reading.
Jeff Weddle

Previous posts:

Introducing The Dorkiest Dork Who Ever Dorked

Chapter 1 Part 1
Chapter 1 Part 2
Chapter 1 Part 3


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