The Dorkiest Dork Who Ever Dorked: Chapter 2 Part 1

The next few hours were indeed amazing. There were songs. There were jokes. There were a few minor acts of violence perpetrated by any number of siblings toward any number of other siblings. It was, in fact, a typical day with three teen kids bouncing around with nervous energy.

“OK, Ethan, time to cool it.” Once his dad said that, Ethan tried his hardest to back off. Although Ethan was a dork, he knew better than to dork with his father too much. Ethan cooled it in his room for a while trying to memorize new song verses about Ben.

Around five o’clock the doorbell rang and poor Ben got to meet Abigail’s family. Ethan and Mia greeted Ben by saying nothing, just giving him huge grins because the whole thing was so embarrassingly funny. Abigail did her best to ignore their weird smiles and make Ben comfortable.

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The Dorkiest Dork Who Ever Dorked: Chapter 1 Part 4

“Ethan!” Ethan’s dad called as he opened his office door. “Come here.”

“Coming.” Ethan said as he vaulted himself over the back of the couch, did a spin move, juked out the kitchen counter, then nailed an imaginary fall away jumper, and headed down the hall pretending to high five adoring fans. “What’s up, Dad?”

“I need you to sit and calmly listen to me. Can you do that?”

Ethan plopped into his dad’s recliner and sat straight up, hands at his side, mouth sealed shut.

“Today is a big day. You don’t know that because no one wanted to tell you what’s going on. As soon as you hear what’s going on, you’re going to go crazy.” Ethan’s dad stopped and gave Ethan a crooked grin. “I can only imagine how annoying you are about to become when you hear this.”

Ethan could no longer keep his mouth sealed shut. It burst into a big smile. “What’s going on?”

“Your sister, Abigail, has invited a boy over for supper tonight.”

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The Dorkiest Dork Who Ever Dorked: Chapter 1 Part 3

It had been over eight minutes since Ethan had annoyed anyone. Just when it looked like a new record would be set, Ethan’s dad came home.

“Daaadddd!” Ethan yelled as his dad came in the door. Ethan ran and launched himself at his father. Ethan jumped and wrapped his arms and legs around his dad. Unfortunately, Ethan’s dad’s back wasn’t capable of handling the weight; they both fell backward onto the floor.

Ethan lay on top of his father on the floor. His dad moaned. “Ethan, my son, how many times have I told you to take it easy with me? I’m an old man. You can’t do such things to me.”

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The Dorkiest Dork Who Ever Dorked: Chapter 1 Part 2

A minute ticked by. There was no one to annoy. Ethan looked out the window for a bit. Then he noticed he could see his reflection in the TV, so he made a series of weird faces and oddly performed dance moves. It was funny, and probably better than what was actually on TV, but it wasn’t too exciting.

Ah! Hang on a second. Ethan spotted his sisters iPad on the coffee table. “That was a mistake!” Ethan said. Even if an iPad is locked, which Ethan’s sisters’ definitely were, you can still get access to the camera! Ethan proceeded to take exactly 237 pictures of his face. He would have taken more but the iPad said the available memory was full. Oh well. It was fun while it lasted.

No one knew what would happen if Ethan went more than ten minutes without being annoying. No one knew, because it had never happened before. Three minutes after taking 237 selfies on Mia’s iPad, Ethan snuck down the stairs to Abigail’s room. The only time Ethan was quiet was when he was sneaking up on someone to annoy them. Stealth is a necessary trait of dorks.

Continue reading “The Dorkiest Dork Who Ever Dorked: Chapter 1 Part 2”

The Dorkiest Dork Who Ever Dorked: Chapter 1 Part 1

For reasons nobody knows, Ethan sings songs about chickens and babies. Take any tune, and Ethan will put chickens and babies in it. For instance, if it’s someone’s birthday, Ethan sings:

Happy chickens to you.
Happy chickens to you.
Happy chickens dear babies.
Happy chickens to you.

He sings this whether there are chickens or babies around anywhere. It’s what he does. When asked why her son sings about chickens and babies all the time, Ethan’s mom said, “Well, I don’t know. He just always has.”

So, there it is. Ethan likes chickens and babies. It doesn’t matter why, what matters is that he likes chickens and babies.

Ethan likes to sing and make noise. There are very few minutes during the day when Ethan is not making noise of some sort. Making rhyming songs is what Ethan does when he doesn’t have anything to say. And yes, chickens and babies always show up in those songs.

Continue reading “The Dorkiest Dork Who Ever Dorked: Chapter 1 Part 1”

My New Internet Book: The Dorkiest Dork Who Ever Dorked

I had an idea this summer to write a story. I find writing mindless entertainment to be refreshing to my soul, something I need to do from time to time.

My plan was to reveal a page every day to my kids, to give me incentive to actually finish what I started. But then I’d have to print stuff. Pages would get lost. Paper cuts. Empty printer cartridges. . .

So I was thinking I could publish new parts here and see what happens. No printing, no paper, no cost.

A title hit me a few weeks ago and a story has been brewing in my brain. Now it needs to come out! It is simply for fun and enjoyment for me, and hopefully you. Read it if you are entertained by it and share with anyone who may enjoy it.

I will plan on four installments a week. The first will come later today. If you’d like, you can put your email into the box to the right and subscribe to the blog and you’ll receive an email when the next part publishes.

Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy a mindless and entertaining diversion.

DISCLAIMER: Any similarity between my fictional characters and real people is completely, entirely coincidental. Sort of. Probably not. Never mind.

One Annoying Tactic of Some Christian Authors

Every author of theological stuff thinks they are right. If they didn’t think they were right, they wouldn’t be writing a book. I assume that anyway.

In an effort to sound right, authors often use tactics to fool the reader into trusting them. One tactic is to compliment people who agree with the author. It’s the opposite of making a personal attack on those who disagree. It often sounds like this:

*The diligent student of God’s Word will see this point.

*The thinking Christian will agree.

*All who are interested in truth must see this point.

*The Spirit-led believer will readily admit this.

*Every sincere reader understands my idea.

Having read a number of Christian authors who do this, I realized that I frequently disagree with whatever it is these statements are made to support.

Now, I suppose it is entirely possible that I am not a thinking, diligent student who cares about truth, following the Spirit, or being sincere. It’s possible.

Or it could be the author knows his point is weak and feels a need to bolster the point with pseudo-authoritative statements. Peer pressure forces the doubtful reader to think, “Hmm, if all sincere believers go with this, I guess I should too.”

Don’t be too quick to agree. The only reason the author is saying such things is because he knows there are people who disagree with his point! That’s why he has to qualify the group that agrees with him. His assumption, obviously, is that those who agree with him are spiritually superior.

These statements are usually made on divisive issues that have sparring groups taking sides. The author is claiming Us vs. Them. Us vs. Them theologians have been backed into theological corners and typically are extreme in their theology. These phrases are, in essence, fightin’ words.

If you ever come across such statements in your theological reading, think twice about whatever point is under discussion. You also might want to duck, odds are you have wandered into partisan theology and may get hit in the cross-fire.

Intelligent readers of my writing will agree with this assessment.