If You are Fundraising and Want My Money, Here’s How to do It

“Our class is raising money to send to a guy in Africa who is inventing a new toilet system, do you want to give to it?” My daughter asked.

“Sure.” I said.

“OK, we’re selling suckers. There’s blueberry, mango, strawberry . . . .”

Oy. I hate fundraising stuff. I’m a generous guy. I give stuff away regularly. I’m a giver, not a taker.

Except when I deem that giving is stupid.

I gave my daughter $20. She then gave my son 20 suckers.

“No, no, no, no, no!” I said. “Why are you giving him suckers?”

“Because you gave me $20 and I know you won’t like them.”

I went on to explain that I gave $20 so she could have a clear $20 profit, no sucker cost subtracted. “I gave my money to support African toilet needs, not to support big, greedy, American sucker companies.”

I hate fundraising.

I remember someone trying to sell me a cheesecake for some trip somewhere doing something. “I don’t like cheesecake. Can’t I just give you $20?”

“We are selling cheesecake.”

“Yes, but I don’t want cheesecake and I’d rather just give you money so you get all the benefit from my money, plus you won’t have to deliver any cheesecake to me. It’s a win-win.”

“We are selling cheesecake. Would you like a pumpkin one?” They couldn’t see my point.

My daughter is going on a band trip next Spring to Disney World to march in a parade. She came home with fundraising ideas.

“You can do fundraising things if you want, but your mother and I aren’t going to do it for you, nor will you beg people at church. If you want to go on the trip, I suggest you get a job.”

She got a paper route and has already made all the money plus more. Knowing that she did the work, plus she doesn’t have to lose any money to Big Candy companies, I think the trip will be more rewarding.

I don’t mind helping, I just wish it could be more efficient. I also fail to see why we don’t make our kids work instead of beg.

Christians, for some reason, think begging for money is developing faith or something. I never understood that one. Faith would hear the words of Paul, “If a man does not work, neither should he eat.”

Here are two suggestions:

  1. ask for my money, don’t sell me junk.
  2. get a job.

A combination of the two would be most excellent. I don’t have a ton of money to give away, so I prefer to make what I do give away count. I like when there is an actual need rather than just laziness, and I like when my funds are not wasted on middlemen.

Also, Christian fundraising letters need to stop saying, “If you can’t send money, will you promise to pray for me? Your prayers are what I really need.” If prayers were truly what you “really need,” why do you ask for money first? We don’t believe in the power of prayer, everyone knows that. Why do we act like we do when we need other people’s money?

Please, let’s work together on this one and make Charity Great Again!

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